Saturday, May 27, 2006

Today I looked up into the sky again

So far, so close
the weeping hand;
the crying God of man.

And I reminisced of the past, of fleeting memories, dreams and desires. Like mists of a floating rainbow, touching the skin of your head so lightly, then escaping before you could gasp in astonishment. The beauty of today drips like honey down an oat tree in snippets; a little, but enough.

And as we savour the sweetness, the paradox jerks our soul like a cork flicked out a bottle.

It flows like swifting blood, stabbing within the depths of your conscience, and provokes the likelihood of Gnostic myths; searching within the crumps of morality left in that pathetic divine spark of yours to no avail. Only to be greeted by the dark con of man... The dark con of man...

posted@6:58 AM

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Thursday, May 25, 2006

Gilead

I've been hearing the voice of my Literature teacher echo through my head for a week or so:

Edmund's philosophy is so appealing... It's so dark.

Watching Lordi performing live, albeit a horrid performance, was extremely intriguing. And that in a way, provoked some thought in me. I have finally come to a conclusion, that Man is naturally attracted to the Dark side simply based on 2 counts:
1)It's innate for Man know what's right or wrong, or what we normally call insinctive moral. (And this is the one thing that the Church enjoys exploiting to their advantage, but thou shall not probe further.)
2)It's the circumstance of Man, that we live in the Light far more than we do in the Dark.


Firstly, let me address the 1st count.

Biologically speaking, when one lies or even conjures the thought of a pre-determined "bad deed", one feels nervous, panicky due to the production of a certain hormone I do not nor care to know. All of this leads an erratic behaviour in blood pressure, heart beats and what not, which can easily be detected by a polygraph, or what people normally call the Lie Detector.

I say 'pre-determined' because for some reason or another, human beings are empowered with the ability to simply know something is wrong or not. Even grey areas have a pre-determined notion, and this can be evidenced by impulse, or the act of it. And this is the power of instinct, so fascinating that in my course of thought, I have not only grown closer to God, but also learnt to believe in His existence.

So if something is pre-determined to be wrong (dark), and we eschew our natural inertia to commit the act or crime. And in this case, we get those symptoms. There is no argument about your heart beating 3 times faster normal in an interrogation room, but hey, think about the prospect of you not being caught. You actually get a fucking kick out of the adrenaline rush. And this is addictive, at least for me. So addictive that I've grew to love going against my moral imperatives, but not at the expense of hurting others. There's a limit to everything, you know.

Okay, now for the second count, which is much more interesting.

If someone is going to tell me at this very second that they sleep in the day and are nocturnal beings and thus lives in the Dark, then it might be too narrow a definition to utilise in judging my claim. We live in the Light, not only physically, but also within.

Gnostic myths tell us of Man being intrinsically evil. But in a way or another, I beg to differ because I pay more attention to the divine spark that's within everyone, that the divine spark propels one to act more than than the darkness surrounding it. In a sense it offsets the darkness within us. I do not disagree that Man is intrinsically evil (as well as our creator), but I do believe that the we deny our foundation, because the light is simply the right thing to do, as our instincts say so (previously established already).

And because this simple denial of darkness is so easily done, it goes to show that it's just as easy to submit to this darkness and let your very evil essence consume you. Perhaps, that is why, Adam fell to the serpent after living in the Light for too long. I do not bloody agree that the serpent is evil, devilish or bad, as advocated by the Church so often.

Firstly, I think the serpent could arguably be labelled as our creator. Without his temptation, Adam would probably still be enjoying Eve's companion now. Knowledge is beauty, you know. Secondly, I personally feel that the serpent is a form respite from the monotony of life. Because now, we have 2 extreme polarities to play around with. And I choose to probe grey areas all the time, because I enjoy questioning and questioning, rather than submitting to the so called pre-established notions advocated by doctrines.

Doctrines are afterall, written by Man, not God. I think Prophets simply have no place in this argument, because they to me, are flukes. But they must have possessed the charisma ten times that of Geroge Bush to be able to wield the iron hand of their religion so swiftly. To the extent that repercussions are still felt today.

I say swiftly because I feel the cuts and bruises of wars fought in the name of religion; Crusades. That's the problem of the human condition you see. I am so horried at the sight of congregations gathering, fervently listening to the Pastor preaching the Bible in his version, specifically extracting details like fragments of a beautifully crafted mosiac and explaining to people.

Since when has a book been written for someone, a man, to read in fragments or isolation without regard for context? Literature has certainly prohibited that, much less a Holy Book, right?

The Republic of Gilead knows no bounds.
Gilead is Within You.

Summon your divine spark now, my friend.

posted@10:21 AM

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Friday, May 19, 2006

A feeble attempt

"Memories are only
moments in eons.
Where then do we stand
amidst this mighty hand of symmetry?"

More here.

posted@10:04 PM

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Saturday, May 06, 2006

Why PAP always wins

I'm proud to say that I've been most active during the election campaign period this year. And as Priscilla puts it so simply yet nicely: "What an experience."

Yes, what an experience. And today Singapore will decide whether or not PAP retains its strong mandate. Like duh, they will. I have learnt so much during the rallies that my friends and I have devotedly kept up with.

Firstly, politics in Singapore is highly simplistic and down to earth. All that hype about some in-depth philosophical, abstract, thought-provoking speech was a fluke. The rallies were highly pragmatic and simplistic. Every single candidate spoke in an active voice (salute to those who had such consiousness) or broken English. And by that I'm referring to the opposition candidates. I did not attend a single PAP rally. The issues were highly repetitive; unemployment, upgrading, increasing costs of living, lifts etc. I was kind of shock when I heard these issues. To me, there's no substance in such issues. They're so damned superficial and simplistic, but yet, bulk of the Singaporeans who attended these rallies were so drawn into such speeches.

The tension of the groups varied greatly. Surprisingly, albeit the massive gargantuan crowd in the rallies of Worker's Party, the crowd was especially civilised (at least for Ang Mo Kio) and not the hardliners I saw at Potong Pasir. It isn't hard to decipher why Chiam has retained his seat for 22 years consecutively; the people in Potong Pasir are extremely upset and grieved. They are brave, courageous, and speak out without any single sign of hesitation. The grievances were heard loud and clear, and I was extremely moved by the problems they were facing. One imemediately finds the connecting click that bonds the simplistic speeches of unemployment and whatnot to these people. Reason is simple; these are the things that majority of them want to hear. Unfortunately, I am but the minority. Nevermind that.

Second thing that caught my attention was once again the content of the speeches. Some outstanding candidates were especially apt at bringing out the fire in the crowds. They raised provoking questions, and questioned the promises made by PAP. Yes, criticisms were heard. But at the end of the day, the opposition has failed to do the very thing that PAP is best at doing - That is coming up with alternative solutions that are BETTER than that of those that they are crisiticising. This is once again, the bloody fucking poison in Singaporeans, EVEN in opposition.

You know, all we know how to do is to complain and complain all day. And at the end of it all, we either don't do anything about it, or for the case of opposition, do something about it but the level of action just stops there; at DOING SOMETHING. Well, what is 'something' to you? Apparently, from what I see, 'doing something' to them is merely criticising. Yes, you've come up with SOME alternatives. But to me, the alternatives range from giving money to the people, or providing them with abalone porridge, more progressive packages, or even minimum wage. Such policies, or should I say cheap-tricks, are absurd. Such stupid tactics only play up the feelings of Singaporeans, but at the end of the day, while you're in the toilet shitting out all your abalone and shark's fin, you realise these policies never work. Remember, you're all manure, geddit.

Before you call me a fervent supporter of PAP or the government, I'd say shut up and think about it. Firstly, if you have not been to any rallies, you don't deserve to speak at all. Secondly, if you have been to the rallies, but am just opposing for the sake of opposing (like many opposition candidates are doing), then you still don't deserve to speak at all. I acknowledge that the PAP has it's shortcomings, but think about it. Can any opposition party challenge up to the PAP at status quo? Even if we give them control of the parliament or government, I don't think anyone of them can run it well, maybe, with the exception of Worker's Party.

I'm particularly disgusted by candidates who cannot converse well in English. This directly links to the opposition candidates pathetic qualifications. Most are in the business world, as opposed to lawyers, doctors from the PAP. This is one area the Worker's Party trascends in. Looking at James Gomez's track record, it's a no wonder why he's such a threat. When I was at the Macpherson rally by SDA sometime earlier this week. Honestly, Sin Kek Tong was pathetic. Nevermind the lame jokes about 'MADpherson', his whole package just appears to me as somebody who's very gung-ho and practically zero charisma. I almost fell asleep standing. To me, he has no substance. But than opponents of this viewpoint would say that, even if you have somebody who can speak very well, he/she may not be very competent. I'm like hello? If you can't even speak well, you won't garner the support of people and thus win a single seat, much less even get a CHANCE to show the people that you are capable. The PAP has thrashed the opposition in this aspect. The candidaes are MULTI-LINGUEL my god... Malay, Mandarin, English, Hokkien by the same person, and FLUENTLY mind you. The message is clear - You MUST speak well to be a successful politician. Else, get the fuck off and run your businesses.

Third observation - It appears to me that most, or maybe all the candidates are married and have children. Haha, I'd leave you to decide what that means.

All in all, despite my very stinging comments about the opposition. I applaud the opposition for the courage they not only possess, but able to bring out in probing grey areas of Singapore politics. I don't think there's anything more than the burning desire to server the people that these people have in mind. You know, such are the people we need in CJC Student Council. We don't need super hot or popular idiots who go into the council and make a fool of themselves during Teacher's Day celebrations or whatnot. We need people who really want to serve the students, geddit? However, the opposition has to have more conCrete alternatives. Maybe then we'll see a shift. But from the way things are progressing, doubt it'll happen.

posted@12:52 PM

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Tuesday, May 02, 2006

A Lesson Learnt

"Conrad is trying to show us how insignificant Man is in this world. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. You're nothing you know..." said Mrs Sng.

And in my heart I was thinking, "We are all such stuff as manure is made on."

When I heard this for the first time in my life, my perception of the modernist movement that it was trying to portray to us the bleakness, the emptiness of life. And most of all, the insigicance of Man in this world. At that minute, I perceived it to be a calling for me to give up all hope. I renounced all my desires for worldly riches, and lost the drive to strive for greater success admist ths cesspool we live in.

I told myself, "The pusuit for material wealth will only lead to emptiness. For once the great desire is fufilled, you are left with nothing but a heap of worthless paper that you once thought would grant you the millions you've dreamt of."

And with that, I thought I would remain just somebody, like anybody else. Maybe a little different from the ordinary masses. Then I'll do whatever I like, and not bother so much about the worldly riches, do what I love doing, like Philosophy and whatnot. Boy, I was naive.

But today, my life changed when Mrs Sng said the next few words.

"Conrad is trying to show us how insignificant Man is in this world. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. You're nothing you know..." (as mentioned before)

"Which is why you should try to be someome significant, someone different."

She punctuated her words with so much conviction. And throughout what others perceive as incessant nagging, there was a young adult in the process of changing his life. I know Mrs Sng doesn't really think well of me, especially in terms of conduct and attitude. But somehow or another, her words have a profound impact on me. It could be my nonchalent personality that fails to convince her of my most sincere words. But nevertheless, I've never forgotten the encouragements and advices she gave me.

Like once I just lazily said in class that I'm thinking of quitting school. Then she looked at me through that memorable glasses of hers, and said to me: "Why do you want to quit school? You'll do well. You're intelligent."

Again, another turning point in life. These fine words of wisdom always come to me at my somewhat lower points in life, where I'm feeling very lost and discouraged by my academic pursuits. To the point that somehow I feel, my life is truly blessed. That Mrs Sng was God-sent. I find it hard to believe that this is the work of conincidences, and that somehow, albeit all the blasphemy and sin in me, some omnipotent being up there is watching over me. And I thank you for that, sincerely.

But at times, I really doubt the sincerity of the words: Ivan is an intelligent boy. Because many many occasions, I find myself just merely mediocre, or maybe above average. And that only puts me below average in the national level, and pathetic level in the international level. It's not me to think this way, but sometimes I just can't help it. We can't help what life has done to us, can we?

I'd like to conclude this entry with the most sincere word of Thanks to Mrs Sng. Despite the fact that this will probably remain one of the silent word of thanks in the chapter of my life, I still hope that one day, she will believe my words. Because many times, I mean much much more... Thank you, for being the great teacher and educator that you are. You've truly earned my full respect.

And may I end with yet another memorable quote from Mrs Sng.

"There is nothing wrong being a nerd, or someone with great ambition."

And that's what I'm going to possess now: Ambition.

Watch out world! =)

posted@3:58 PM

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